Dear mean people who can't stand seeing someone thrive...

This blog is basically an open letter to those who just can't handle that some people chose to live a healthy, giving, peaceful life.
Listen, I'm no angel. I've done some stupid shit, I've said things I've come to regret. I've fucked up a lot of things in my nearly 36 yrs on earth. But you know what??? I try. I try to be enough. To be good. To make good choices with people, money, food, charity. And damn me for trying. You see, the thing that matters the most is that I KNOW I'm doing my best. You know what gets in the way of that?? Jealous people, trolls, and people who are so miserable they cannot stand to see you thrive and be well.
I read somewhere that once you love yourself, no one can make you feel unworthy. Or " only you can make yourself have a bad day". Bullshit. I know a lot of people who are healthy and happy , but it still hurts when someone is cruel to them. Or talks about them behind their back. It sucks. No matter who we are, we want people to like us. And when they don't, we think it's because there is something wrong with us. Well, there are a few things wrong with me for sure, but when someone is cruel to me or feels the need to mock me for doing good things, I know it's because of their own issues. Maybe they don't like me Becuase I pissed them off once. Or I lied to them one time. Maybe it's because I have healthy hair and nails. Or Becuase I support myself and ask for nothing from anyone. Have I always been these things? No

I use to weigh 60 lbs more, hated my body, hair and nails. I used to be an angry little elf. And I will admit, seeing others succeed and prosper was threatening to me. Because why? Because jealously.

I made changes in my life, and I now live off of the benefits of doing so. I have peace of mind. Self love, and all of that psychology babble.

So, why then do I get so upset when others are mean? Becuase I am human. But I use the tools I have to work through those feelings. When someone I love and cherish tells
Me that someone else says terrible things about me, that are not true.... It makes me want puke. When someone pokes fun at a charity that I started literally BY MY SELF, it hurts my heart. When someone who is friends with me on a certain social media site, and is actually so friendly to me in public , turns around and screenshots my statuses  and sends them to  someone who hates me and spends most of their life trying to ruin all the good I am..... It really fuckin hurts.  Yea, I know who you are. But I don't hate you, I actually think you are a great person who is just getting caught up in drama. I'm checking out of it though. So take all the screenshots you want , I'm proud of my life. I worked really fucking hard to get here.  And I won't let your little troll take that from me.

So why are people mean again??? Lots of reasons, but the biggest one I can think of is that they are just jealous of something you have.  Like happiness.

Ps. Yes I eat Bok choy, kale and I love to cook for someone I love. I work out three to five times a week Becuase I want to be healthy, and it's better than doping up on antidepressants.
Yes, I  like to run. Yes I like to bake. And yes,  I  like to wear jeans that  actually go up to my waist and my ass doesn't hang out of, and YES, sometimes I like to dress up in a  sexy lil dress.  Why? BECAUSE  I  CAN.

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I travel a lot. I see a lot of accidents. I see tow trucks, ambulances, state troopers directing traffic and sometimes I see injured people. It is a common sight along highways and interstates. Today, I was stopped in traffic due to an accident. It had just happened a few minutes before I came upon the scene. Once I stopped, the sirens and lights started flying by me, creating a symphony of fear, heartbreak and sheer panic. Three ambulances, three fire trucks, countless state police. They saturated the highway...shutting both lanes down. Like a desert highway. I couldn't go anywhere. Sit and pray everyone was ok. As I sat, I notice a lady running up beside my car waving her hands and screaming to another guy. "that's my daughter in there". I saw this woman sprint to the scene, I saw her fall to her knees.....people carried her away. That voice haunted me..."that's my daughter in there".. WOW, all I could think about is my daughters. Why do we do that? When we are faced with a traumatic situation, we put our own family in the picture?  I thought about having to get that call, to have to run to the car and see my daughter, hurt, or worse. I didn't know, I couldn't tell if she was ok. I do know the accident was bad. I wanted to know if she was ok. The police told us all to stay in our vehicles. I wanted to hug that lady.

Then I started to play "what if". I had been running a little late because I had lunch with my daughter earlier. And it was so spur of the moment. What if I hadn't done that? Would that have been me?? Or would I have been able to help? Oh I have to stop playing this game in my head. I look over again and they cant get the girl out of the car. I feel so helpless. I think I just watched that lady see her daughter die. I have to get out of here.

I manage to wiggle my way out of the line and turn around to go the other way. I went about my day, but I had that feeling of.....life is so perishable. Like ripe fruit, one day its good to eat and the next it is fermented and rotten. Just like that. We are all so perishable. We are all so busy. Do you know how perishable you are??? We all have an expiration date. Only we aren't like a carton of eggs and have that date printed on our outside so people know when to enjoy us by. So stop. Stop making excuses to live. Call someone you love and tell them that. Have some beef with an old friend? Put it to rest. Always wanted to see the Golden Gate Bridge?? Well stop buying online purses and buy a plane ticket instead. That dog you have?? He wants to go on a walk. He does not care if it is snowy outside. Ask your kids how their day was, and then actually listen to them when they tell you. Kiss a baby. Drink a beer. Live before you expire. Don't be the rotten mayonnaise in the fridge.


I cant stop thinking about the mom who I think lost her daughter.....I hope she is comforted by her loved ones. I hope she and her daughter had a great relationship. I hope we all learn to live before we expire.