The Waiting Room

It is 9:45am. You've been sitting in that chair since 9:00 am. You even showed up 15 minutes early. You made sure to shave extra well this morning, brushed your teeth just a little longer. You even dolled up your eyes with a little eyeliner and lash extending mascara. It's 10am. You are still sitting in that chair. You've watched Hoda and Kathy Lee. You've listened to the 4 year old ask his mommy every question under the moon. You have to pee, but you can't. You have to wait. You are in the waiting room. And even when the nurse does call your name, it will only be to ask you a few questions, judge you about the number on the scale, tell you to take your clothes off, and then leave you in there, waiting. You are in the waiting room. It sucks. You know that eventually , the doctor will show up. He will give you his time, and answer your questions. You will feel comforted that the news isn't that bad. Or maybe you will breakdown because it is worse than you can imagine. At the end of the day though, you saw the doctor. You had to wait for him, but you got what you showed up for.

Such is life. It is much like a waiting room. Sometimes things don't just happen with the snap of the finger. Sometimes, you have to shave extra well, brush your teeth a little longer, and make sure your socks are super white. It is part of the process. In order to get to the end point, you have to sit in the waiting room, and in order to get to the waiting room, you have to get yourself together. You wouldn't show up in your pajamas (well, maybe some of us would, but humor me here).

I have been in a lot of waiting rooms lately. Getting older is exhausting, and expensive. I recently sat in one and realized that I am in a different kind of waiting room. I am waiting for someone. Let me repeat that, I am WAITING for someone, not LOOKING for someone. I am not talking about a doctor. I have lots of those and they are great. I have spent the last several months of my life "getting myself ready for the appointment" so to speak. Getting my shit together. Life disappointed me ONCE again. But I chose it, so I lived with it.  So I took some extra care of myself. Maybe I got a lot of massages. I began a fitness routine that is kicking my ass into shape. I saw a therapist, GAAAAA. I went to the beach and sat in a chair for days on end and refreshed my mind. I got ready for life. Because I don't show up for anything in my pajamas. So here I am, all cleaned up, all shiny and fresh and clean teeth and hair. .....even some clinical strength deodorant. I am in the waiting room.

I know that eventually, "that someone" will open the door and call my name. I know that pacing around and glaring at the nurses will not make that door open any sooner. I might as well take my newly toned rear end to a seat and enjoy the wait. I am not going to stress about how long I will have to wait. I am just going to keep myself busy and entertained until that door opens. Because good things come to those who wait, right?

So if you find yourself in the waiting room, don't be the obnoxious one who irritates everyone else in the waiting room. Sit down and read a magazine and wait for the door to open. Don't be an ass.

One more thing, since I am in the waiting room waiting on "you". I am going to fill out the information sheet so you know what to expect when you call my name. Here it goes:

I am insane. In the best way. I have a history of heart problems, so be easy on mine. I drink a lot of coffee and beer. I don't smoke. I don't do drugs, but I feel compelled to invest in the marijuana stocks because it is the new S&P. I don't like to get up early, but I love coffee at sunrise. I am moody. I am overly giving sometimes, which causes me more heart problems. I cry a lot. Happy and sad tears. Those animal abuse commercials will send me into a solid 2 hour depression. I like to help people, please don't tell me that is dumb and a waste of time, or I will probably not like you. I like to do new things, and I am always on the go. That's how I like it. I will give you the shirt off of my back as long as you don't stab me in mine. I DO NOT like heavy metal music, but I like everything else. I think I have a good sense of humor, and you should, too. I am a big dork, really. I giggle anytime I hear words that sound dirty even though they are not. I like Flamingos, a lot. But most importantly what you need to know about me, is that I have seen a lot of pain, and a lot of joy. They have made me who I am, sitting in this room, waiting so patiently for you, whatever your name is. I hope you have dark hair though. Oh, and I hope you like to travel. That should just about do it.......